Today I was looking forward to getting an ice cream cone for two reasons. The first reason was that I had a dream about ice cream last night. The second reason was that I had a five dollar bill in my wallet that I got as change the other day that I've been wanting to get rid of ever since. The bill had large spot of thick brown goo on the upper right hand corner. This brown goo might have been melted chocolate or it might have been something much less pleasant. In any case, about an hour ago I strolled into a Baskin-Robbins with this five dollar bill ready to spend.
I looked over the ice cream choices and ordered up mint chocolate chip on a sugar cone. The trouble started almost immediately. The Baskin-Robbins employee handed me my cone before I had my money ready. I accepted the cone as I fished, one-handed, for my wallet. I managed to get it out and hand her the five. She made change and handed it to me. I abandoned the idea of putting my change neatly in my wallet and decided to stuff it for the time being in my hip pocket. I exited the store.
Once outside my attention shifted to the ice cream cone itself. While it certainly looked tasty, there was a big problem. Nearly half of the ice cream was affixed, for the moment, to the upper side of the cone. I don't mean the ice cream was piled high and leaning. I mean the ice cream was wildly uneven and well over one side of the cone. I mean that a quick tap to this precariously attached mass would send it plopping to the ground. I looked up at the numerous passersby on the busy sidewalk. I looked back to my cone. This promised to be embarrassing.
Because of the ice cream's uneven contours it was difficult to know how to bite into it or lick it without either toppling the whole thing or getting a bunch of it on my nose. I managed to get a couple good bites in, but the situation deteriorated fast. Ice cream was beginning to stream down the side of the cone and get on my fingers. A drop fell onto the cuff of my pants. I held the cone away from my body so as to avoid further drops hitting my pants. I began walking home as I redoubled my efforts to eat away at the danger zone.
Within a block I had succeeded at little more than coating my hands in melted ice cream. A new tactic was in order. I tried to push the drooping mass to a better position, but this resulted in the whole thing becoming even more unstable. All I could do was eat away at it and hope for the best. As I did this I realized for the first time how good the ice cream tasted. This realization was worse than if it was a lost cause from a taste perspective. Knowing how much I might enjoy the ice cream in other circumstances added insult to injury.
In another minute I managed to eat all of the ice cream on outside of the cone. At this point I encountered another problem. I needed to remove the paper wrapper around the cone. I tugged on it gently, but I couldn't get it started. I tugged a little more and it gave. I peeled it most of the way off before I noticed that in its wake it left a thin trail of paper still attached to the cone. Another pass at it and I removed this too. I threw away the mass of sticky paper that I had removed from the cone. I glanced down at my hopelessly sticky hands before biting into the cone.
Although the cone was good, and filled with delicious ice cream, I ate it with minimal enjoyment. I frowned as I ate the last bite. I shouldn't have gotten a cone. Or I should have gotten a waffle cone. Or I should have gotten a brownie sundae like I really wanted in my dream about ice cream.
Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream: A-
How Ice Cream Was Configured on Cone: F
Sticky Hands: F
Getting Ice Cream on Cuff of Pants: D-
Not Getting Brownie Sundae: D
Overall Experience: D-